I wish pokemon were real. There, I said it. If pokemon were real, I would have something to do on the weekends. I would find a large field with tall green grass. Oh man, I would look forward to it all week. Once I got there I would walk up and down and around the field until my vision became invaded with flashing, spiralling purple squares. Then, all of a sudden and out of nowhere would appear a wild geodude. I would be able to tell that it is wild by its eyes. Its eyes would speak volumes to me. They would tell me stories of unbridled freedom and sing to me the songs of the mountain. I would wonder for a moment whether it is a male or female geodude. This would be a waste of energy though, as everybody knows that the gender of a pokemon cannot be discerned until you have weakened and captured it. The wild geodude would approach menacingly, and I would thank my stars that I had taken the middle egg from Professor Oak's table. 'Squirtle, I choose you!' I would yell with alacrity. I would throw a pokeball at my feet. A cloud of white smoke would rush out of the open pokeball, and when it cleared, my young squirtle would be left standing there, ready to faint for me. My squirtle would be a boy, and he would be filled with character. He would be my best friend in the whole world. I would be able to tell him all kinds of nasty secrets and he would never be able to tell anybody else, because all he would be able to say is "Squirtle!" I suppose other squirtles, and possibly even wartortles and blastoises would have access to my secrets, as they would probably be able to understand him. Just to be safe though, I would never allow my squirtle to socialise with other turtle pokemon. Instead of skipping through it, I would have paid ample attention to Professor Oak's lecture on pokemon and how to do battle, and so I would remember that rock pokemon have a hard time fighting against water pokemon. 'Water cannon!' my voice would boom without warning. My squirtle would waste no time in opening his mouth wide and spraying litres of seawater at the wild geodude. The wild geodude would no longer be able to keep itself afloat in the air, and struggling, it would drop into the tall green grass. Before long, water would have filled its rocky little lungs and it would have very few hit points left. Here, I would have to work fast. Out of my trouser pocket I would haul an empty pokeball. I would throw the pokeball at the weakened wild geodude and another slightly smaller cloud of white smoke would appear. When the smoke cleared, I would pick up the pokeball. It would feel much heavier, as it would then contain a captured geodude.
Later that day, I would go to the gym, because if pokemon were real, this would actually be enjoyable. With my two pokeballs jingling in my trousers I would walk through the gym doors with a considerable amount of swagger. Once inside, I would proceed to move large blocks of stone. I would experiment, placing these blocks in different formations. Eventually, I would figure out the correct stone block positions and the passage would be clear for me to head on through. Along the way my pokemon would do battle with no less than five personal trainers. The gym's personal trainers would be overconfident and say hurtful things to me. But I would do my best not to take what they said to heart. I would soon find that by trusting in my pokemon, and by believing in myself no matter what, I could achieve anything. After defeating the gym's personal trainers in pokebattle, all that would stand between me and the gym leader would be one last stone puzzle. With the momentum I would have, this puzzle wouldn't stand a chance. The gym leader would say the most conceited things as he saw me enter his office. He wouldn't even say hi or anything like that. At this point, my squirtle and geodude would be in need of some well earned rest. They would both be so close to fainting, that I would decide it best not to risk using them to battle the most powerful trainer in the building. My mind would race back to the beginning of the day, when over breakfast, my mother offered to hold on to my money. I would silently berate myself for agreeing to this, because if I hadn't, I would have been able to purchase some sort of healing salve or potion to use on my pokemon. Upon digging around in my backpack, I would find its sole contents to be a bottle of ether. In an attempt to think of how ether could possibly have a positive effect on pokemon, I would stretch my mind to its limit, but to no avail. I would be completely out of options. It is common knowledge that one cannot fight other people. It is just physically impossible. The only form of combat possible is that which occurs between two pokemon. I would be left with no choice but to leave the gym the way I came in. A fight for another day, I would tell myself. The sun would set behind me as I walked the long dirt road home, and Japanese music would fill the air around me.
Later that day, I would go to the gym, because if pokemon were real, this would actually be enjoyable. With my two pokeballs jingling in my trousers I would walk through the gym doors with a considerable amount of swagger. Once inside, I would proceed to move large blocks of stone. I would experiment, placing these blocks in different formations. Eventually, I would figure out the correct stone block positions and the passage would be clear for me to head on through. Along the way my pokemon would do battle with no less than five personal trainers. The gym's personal trainers would be overconfident and say hurtful things to me. But I would do my best not to take what they said to heart. I would soon find that by trusting in my pokemon, and by believing in myself no matter what, I could achieve anything. After defeating the gym's personal trainers in pokebattle, all that would stand between me and the gym leader would be one last stone puzzle. With the momentum I would have, this puzzle wouldn't stand a chance. The gym leader would say the most conceited things as he saw me enter his office. He wouldn't even say hi or anything like that. At this point, my squirtle and geodude would be in need of some well earned rest. They would both be so close to fainting, that I would decide it best not to risk using them to battle the most powerful trainer in the building. My mind would race back to the beginning of the day, when over breakfast, my mother offered to hold on to my money. I would silently berate myself for agreeing to this, because if I hadn't, I would have been able to purchase some sort of healing salve or potion to use on my pokemon. Upon digging around in my backpack, I would find its sole contents to be a bottle of ether. In an attempt to think of how ether could possibly have a positive effect on pokemon, I would stretch my mind to its limit, but to no avail. I would be completely out of options. It is common knowledge that one cannot fight other people. It is just physically impossible. The only form of combat possible is that which occurs between two pokemon. I would be left with no choice but to leave the gym the way I came in. A fight for another day, I would tell myself. The sun would set behind me as I walked the long dirt road home, and Japanese music would fill the air around me.
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